


so many ways to go

by WithYourRhythm



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Blood and Gore, Blue Paladin Allura (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hey There Sharpshooter Big Bang 2019, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, temporary limb loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 20:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20216023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithYourRhythm/pseuds/WithYourRhythm
Summary: One shot,Lance thought,please, just one, let me save him just this once-His hold relaxed on his bayard, and he took another deep breath, holding it in. His heart hammered against his chest, its fast but steady beats echoing in his ear as Lance kept his eyes on his target.He slowly let the breath slip past his lips and squeezed the trigger, a light press on the warm, sweaty metal, and the laser beam left his rifle in silence.He missed.Or,A time loop had been the last thing Lance expected from this ancient war Blue dragged him into, but improvising was one of his specialties. He could only hope that it would be enough.





	so many ways to go

**Author's Note:**

> This is my piece for 'Hey There Sharpshooter' Bang! It was supposed to be a small, 7k work, but, well.
> 
> This fic is betaed by Andrew ([Andrew Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndrewRose/pseuds/AndrewRose) on AO3), who is an amazing beta and deserves all nice things after all the problems this fic and the team went through <3
> 
> And I was matched with Kaylee ([kaylee-schuyler](http://kaylee-schuyler.tumblr.com) on Tumblr and [kaylee_schuyler](https://instagram.com/kaylee_schuyler?igshid=ya5p7vkt0uwn) on Instagram) who drew a scene from this fic. She was awesome, and created a beautiful piece even though she had much less time to work than I did. It was very fun working with this team, a big thank you goes to them!
> 
> Also, the mods who made it possible for this event to happen deserve all the appreciation <3 They were really wonderful! You can find the blog of the bang here ([lanceloveshipbang](http://lanceloveshipbang.tumblr.com) on Tumblr).
> 
> You can check out her art directly on Tumblr and leave a like and/or reblog by clicking [here!](https://kaylee-schuyler.tumblr.com/post/186953713764/i-was-a-pinch-hitter-for-the-hey-there)  
And the Instagram link for the art is [here!](https://www.instagram.com/p/B1D3z3uAycJ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)
> 
> That's about it! Enjoy~

> **1.**

Lance sighed, not moving from the corner of the table he was perched on. It didn’t matter how murderous the glare Pidge gave him looked when he felt tired enough to flop on her and not move for days. She should’ve been grateful that he chose the table to rest on instead of her bony lap.

“So…” He tried to see what Pidge was working on, leaning over to see the screen of her computer more clearly. “What are you working on?”

It was surprising how that computer survived countless attacks from the Galra in Pidge’s backpack, still useful even with all the Altean technology around them. It was like a part of Pidge, never leaving her side even during training hours, left in the control room with Coran as he instructed them on how to proceed with the simulations and gladiator.

“Nothing.”

The flat reply he got from Pidge didn’t stop Lance from peering over the back of the screen, still trying to get a glimpse of the things she was working on.

They were all busy. Allura was taking care of the communication between Voltron and other aliens, Hunk took over the repairs the Lions and Castle required, Pidge pushed herself in any way possible to find a clue on where Shiro was, and Keith, well. He was busy falling apart, not that anybody was brave -or cruel- enough to tell him that to his face. He was spending most of his time training, and the rest was filled up with his search for Shiro. He even spent nights in Black’s cockpit in case Shiro reached out to his bond with her.

Lance, though, had nothing to do. He was useless in these kinds of things, with no idea on how to help the team with finding Shiro. So instead, he busied himself by taking care of others.

“Nothing?” He eyed Pidge's never-ceasing fingers flying over the keyboard, lifting an eyebrow, “Why can't I believe that?”

“Because I said so, and you'd have no idea what I might be doing even if I was doing something- which I am _ not.” _

Lance huffed, “Whatever you say,” He wasn't willing to let this go that easily, but Pidge looked too… murderous, if the glint in her eyes behind the glasses was anything to go by. Maybe he should just leave her be this one time, go and find something else to spend his time on, but he wasn't sure what he could do.

Lance was good at taking care of people. He had learned how to get Pidge to leave her computer to take a break and eat something; to push Hunk towards the kitchen instead of hangars; to pull Allura aside and ask her to wash the mice- Coran was a lot more help with that than Lance would’ve thought, but he often forgot that Coran himself was a lot more used to loss than any of them including Allura. He actually got Keith to sleep in his own bed a few times -even though Lance never found Keith in his room in the mornings- and that was definitely something.

But sometimes- sometimes he was just too tired, too sad and maybe longing for his family, a lot more than usual, and that would be when he would just try to take his mind off of everything. 

This was one of those days. He wanted to poke Pidge, wait for her to throw him out of the room they were in, then find something else to busy himself with.

There weren't many options. He had been trailing after Allura and leaving comments here and there until she politely asked him to do something else before he decided to hunt down Pidge, and that was apparently a bust too.

He could maybe find out what Hunk was doing. They hadn't been able to talk since he had asked Lance to not fight with Keith over something trivial after they had disagreed on it one more time just yesterday.

And Lance could see that Pidge was already getting fed up with his curious peering too. If he didn't go and search for Hunk, there was nothing else to do except train with Keith. But no one really wanted to spend time with him after the disappearance of Shiro- including Lance. Keith was like a trainwreck, and his situation was too rough. Lance wasn't sure how much help he could be for that kind of thing, or if he could ever be.

Lance knew perfectly well that Keith was too much of a ticking time bomb to be used as a distraction for his own boredom, even though he was willing to bet that Keith desperately needed something to take his mind off of the way everything was going wrong recently, just like Lance did. The way he threw himself into anything that resembled fighting was enough proof of that. But Lance didn't really want to spar with Keith- his shoulders still ached from the training session that morning. His bayard was a beautiful, amazing weapon, but it was still a gun, and the aftermath of using it for too long sucked for Lance's wrists and shoulders.

Well.

Hunk it is.

\--

“I don't understand why you guys always expect me and Keith to start yelling at each other the second we disagree on something,” Lance huffed grumpily, eyeing the table that was full of food and boxes. They had to make a stop just yesterday to resupply, but Coran hadn't been able to unpack it all. It wasn't surprising with the sheer amount of _ everything _ they bought, so Lance and Hunk had volunteered to help. But that didn't mean Lance was going to stop talking anytime soon, he was bored to _ death _ . “Like, seriously, who would argue on which side a Balmeran would be more comfortable when they laid down? You didn't even need to stop us from talking about _ that.” _

“I don't know, dude,” Hunk shrugged a little. He was already going through the boxes, trying to decide what went where. “There's literally a rift between the two of you, all the time.”

Lance frowned, walking backward till he felt his back touching the wall. “Really?”

Was that what their interactions looked like for others?

It… wasn't as surprising as it should've been, but Lance didn't know exactly how he was supposed to feel. Was he supposed to deny -or worse, _ confirm- _ Hunk's statement? He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, so he just slid down the wall silently, letting himself plop onto the floor when he got close enough to it for his fingertips to touch.

“I mean, you do always argue and yell at each other. None of us really know how to deal with all that, to be honest.” Hunk hummed as he pulled another basket full of food ingredients closer to himself. His eyes turned towards the pale blue sticks that were supposedly edible, and his focus completely shifted from the conversation with Lance to unpacking.

Lance sighed, letting his head fall back. When he felt it gently knocking against the wall, he tried to think of a time where he had a talk with Keith that lasted longer than five minutes and wasn't an argument. It was easy to think of those little, bittersweet moments they spent together during the sleeping cycles, but that felt too… _ delicate, _ maybe, to talk about while the lights of the Castle shone down on him. And Lance didn't want Hunk to know the extent of his homesickness, it was already hard enough for his best friend to be in space with no way to talk to his own family.

It took a second to think of a time where he and Keith weren't arguing, and it wasn't nighttime in the Castle, then five, and suddenly, he realized that a whole minute had passed while he was trying to remember if he and Keith had ever talked like two normal people when the rest of the team were around.

It wasn't shocking, and Lance didn't feel particularly upset with the revelation, not really. He and Keith had a complicated relationship that was simple in its own weird way. It wasn't usual or expected, but it was there anyway, and as competitive as it was, it had its charms. The idea of talking with Keith didn't make Lance feel like he had to be cheerful or flirty, or use the happy facade he always had, unless he felt amazing enough to just let a smile spread upon his face without any of the worries he had to keep hidden since they first found Blue ever surfacing. Keith already knew that Lance was an idiot with no filter, he didn't try to make Lance feel better all the time if he ever saw him feeling down, instead he let Lance ramble all the time and exhaust his tears before trying to make him realize that he hadn't lost everything yet and that he had to keep fighting.

Keith was a safety line Lance hadn't known that he’d needed until the first day they saw each other wandering within the halls of the Castle after everybody had gone to sleep. During those hours, the ship belonged to them. They were partners in crime, friends to a point, the kings of the space until they fell asleep that night. They were the rulers of their own little world.

“Do we really?” He murmured, eyes trailing over the white walls of the castleship. It wasn't the right question, he knew that. They were always going to argue because their relationship was a metaphorical fist-to-face, a loud scream towards the world, every crumb of anger turned to each other so they wouldn't explode at someone else, but that wasn't all there was to it.

Though, Hunk didn't know that. No one knew that except Lance and Keith. Maybe not even Keith did.

_ The rulers of our own little world, indeed. _

“Listen, buddy,” Hunk sighed, then leaned back. Lance could see Hunk eyeing him from where he was kneeling. “I don't know why you're suddenly so hung up on this, but do you, y'know, want to talk about it?”

_ Talk about what, _ Lance thought, _ when there's nothing to talk about? _

There was a splinter in his chest, sinking in deeper and deeper the more Lance moved around. It hurt when Lance talked, when he smiled or laughed. He didn't know if it was because of his homesickness, or maybe from the fear he felt every second of his life ever since Shiro fell down to Earth in an alien ship, but it poked and prodded around Lance's heart, and made him realize how hard it was going to be to be a part of Voltron. Lance wasn't built for this, none of this.

Maybe he should've just stayed a cargo pilot.

“I-” His voice came out scratchy, way too obvious as a sign of trouble for Hunk, who had been Lance's friend for years, and learned to see when something was wrong with him. Lance ignored the worry that bloomed on Hunk's face anyway. “Uh, no. I don't want to talk about it.”

Now was not the place, nor the time. Shiro was gone, the Castle had many functioning problems since the last fight against a Galra fleet with what little experience they had with being a proper team without their previous leader, and Lance might have been useless with fixing the castleship, but he had no right to keep Hunk from doing that either.

“Buddy.” Hunk pushed himself off of the ground, standing up. Pity twisted his features a little, and Lance hated how he somehow managed to distract Hunk even more.

“No, no.” Lance flailed to get up, shaking his head frantically. He had no intention of keeping others from having a meal, the food boxes had to go. “I'm okay, man! I really am- I just need a minute to take a breather.”

Hunk stopped, his eyes sharp and focused under the bright lights of the Castle. This was a familiar expression as well, Lance knew Hunk was trying to see if he was telling the truth or not. Well, he _ was _ telling the truth. Taking a second to remind himself that he was no less important than any other tasks they had was not easy, but Lance knew better than to let himself have insecurity problems when his mental state affected the state of the universe. He wasn't selfish enough to have a breakdown over nothing during a ten-thousand-year-old war.

“Yeah, seriously!” Lance pointed to the door a few feet away from him and started to inch closer to it while still facing Hunk. “I just need a moment to get myself- I mean-”

Hunk nodded. “It's fine, I understand. You need a moment for yourself.” Lance felt a smile climbing to his features -slightly off, and maybe a little small, but there nonetheless- and turned his head to make sure he didn't run into anything while walking backward. “But Lance, you know that I'm here if you want to talk about it, right?”

“I- yeah... yes, buddy, I know.” Lance reached back feeling the edge of the door with his fingertips. The movement of the door opening made him pause slightly, and he threw another look at Hunk, trying to give a smile at him. “I really do, Hunk. Thank you.”

“Anytime, man.”

Hunk kept watching him walk until the door closed. Lance could feel the weight of his gaze even after, and he turned his destination to the less used halls and rooms. He could feel panic pressing against his chest, pushing air out of his lungs in a rush, and he knew he really just needed a moment. Just one short moment that belonged to him, and only him.

He just hoped that would be enough.

\--

This was something Lance never got used to. Back at home, with his sisters and brothers, he never really had the time to sit back and rest, but when the Garrison came into the picture, everything was so still, too calm. It was like stepping out of a sandstorm that wasn't in the way, simply too loud, a constantly moving and changing mess that had been going on for his whole life. The idea of being able to sit and enjoy an evening was staggering for him, and soon enough, he had found that he didn't like it anyway.

Lance wasn't one for quiet moments that stole hours, a silent huff of breath, sitting still to watch soft rays of sunshine reflecting off of the blankets on his bed. They were beautiful in their own ways, but Lance enjoyed quiet whispers and chuckles, tickling fights and movie nights with Hunk instead of those moments that felt like they were frozen in time. They had their own charm, but Lance was a man of movement that left no time to think unnecessary things, like how he was no use to his team, and the way Shiro might've been suffering in the hands of the Galra for the second time- he didn't need to spare time for those kinds of thoughts.

The hallway was too quiet, the lights too bright for Lance's stinging eyes.

The thing was that Lance knew that they weren't going to win this war. Not entirely, even if Zarkon was somehow defeated by the end of it, because there were scars left behind, regrets and traumas, nightmares filled with destruction and fear, and Lance's heart ached with the thought of how people were suffering right now, and were going to suffer as well, from the Galra or from their own memories. Of course, not all aliens thought like that, some of their consciousness didn't even work like that. But every single time Lance realized that he was clutching his bayard far too tight, or was glaring at empty space mindlessly, he knew that he was not the only one who was acting like that, and was not going to be one of the last ones who remembered horrors the Galra unleashed upon the rest of the universe either.

Something like this war left traces. Ugly, awful, and maybe the worst of all, inevitable carvings that were not fully physical.

Lance shuddered, crossing his arms over his chest. That was not fun to think at all.

Footsteps sliced through the heavy silence that was somehow too loud with the way it left Lance's thoughts free to wander around in his mind, slow but firm, and Lance startled at the sudden sound. He had thought that everybody was busy, so who was-?

Keith stepped out of a door, his head hanging low and arms crossed over his chest. There was a distracted expression on his face as if he had been busy thinking instead of training himself into the ground. That wasn't very convincing for Lance, though.

Lance blinked a few times, trying to clean his vision from the blurry tears. Trying to think of what Keith could've been doing here, he watched as Keith lifted his head and scanned the room with furrowed brows. 

“I- Lance?” Keith's eyes widened. Lance lifted a brow, curious about why Keith was surprised to see him sitting in a hallway. It was a usual sight, typically with Hunk accompanying him so that they could talk and watch others passing by while Hunk worked on some pieces of metal Pidge gave him. “What are you doing here?”

Lance shrugged. “I wanted to take a break.” _ From nothing, because I wasn't doing anything to help the team. _ Yeah, he wasn't going to say that part, Keith was probably the most awkward person to open up to about his insecurities.

“I see...” Keith didn't really look convinced, but he let go anyway, “Well, I'll be going-” He pointed towards the end of the hallway, pressing his lips together, “that way, to- uh, to train.”

The training room Allura told them to use -some were malfunctioning from the time they were left without any maintenance- was in the opposite direction, and from the look of immediate regret that filled Keith's eyes, he knew that too. This was probably one of the most embarrassing things Lance had ever seen in his life, but Keith had successfully gotten to the top five of 'The Most Embarrassing Moments List' Lance had. Except-

Well, not the first place actually, that belonged to middle-schooler Lance who got his first love confession from a boy two years older than him. He had puked his guts out on the boy's shoes because of outdated milk and the shock of suddenly being asked out by one of the most popular people in the school.

Middle-schooler Lance was not as graceful as Paladin-Lance, and his memories were buried deep in Lance's mind to never be remembered ever again.

“Well, okay then.” Lance wiggled his eyebrows, “Have fun _ training.” _

Keith rolled his eyes, turning his head slightly to the side to- oh, was that a _ blush? _ “Shut up.” His voice contained no heat, though.

Lance huffed out a quiet laughter, nodding his head with amusement. “Yeah, best comeback ever, Mullet.”

“Whatever.” Giving Lance a dirty look, Keith started walking towards the door he had pointed at before.

This was it then, Lance supposed. A few words exchanged, and the conversation that was more banter than anything else ended just like that. He didn't know what he had been hoping for.

Turning his eyes towards the ground again, Lance sighed quietly. The white metal was as clean as ever, somehow boring, and the soft-edged amusement Lance reveled in slowly faded away to be replaced with the gloomy air he was in before Keith came in.

“Hey,” Lance lifted his head to see Keith a few steps in front of him, a concerned expression on his face, “Are you okay? You- I know it's been a rough day for all of us.” He took a step towards Lance, calm and maybe a little curious even after losing Shiro for the second time, and somehow, it made Lance’s chest tighten with hurt, because he couldn't even manage to function properly since their leader had disappeared, but here Keith was, the closest thing he had to a family missing once more, having had to take over Shiro’s position even though he hated the thought of being a leader. But he was still trying to look after the rest of the team, after _ Lance, _ like Lance was some kind of child who couldn’t get over loss and-

Lance hated how accurate that was.

He had never been good at accepting the distance between him and his loved ones. The Garrison was like a hard punch to the face rather than a wake up call or even a slap, with how he had to stay away from his family, and he still remembered the tightness in his throat with unshed tears, and the sad, pitying eyes of Hunk when Lance had pressed his hands over his face to hide the embarrassing reaction he gave just because of the take-out Hunk had brought him, the same one he used to have with Veronica every single time he had a fight with Marco.

“Lance?” Keith inched closer again, wariness oozing out of his movements as if he was trying to get closer to a wild, scared animal or something. The obvious worry on his face made Lance choke out a laugh.

“I, uh- I’m fine.” He scrubbed his eyes against the sleeves of his green jacket roughly, trying to push back the tears that were building behind his eyes. He had cried enough for today, there was no need for Keith to see him trying to breathe between sobs and rubbing his face red. ”It’s okay, sorry about that.”

Keith made a weird noise, still getting closer to Lance slowly. His stance was awkward, Lance knew Keith was probably feeling lost about what to do, but seeing him trying to think something so hard just to make Lance more comfortable made him smile a little anyway. It was hilarious how bad Keith was at social interactions when he was so good at everything else.

And he really was good at everything. He was their only hand-to-hand expert besides Shiro, but Shiro was an expert at almost anything except taking care of himself, and he was -or had been, but Lance didn’t think he could admit that to himself just yet, it still felt too unrealistic- their leader, so he really didn’t count.

But Keith was always training, throwing himself headfirst into battles and somehow managing to get out of them with little to no damage at all, and yet here he was, looking like he just got punched in the gut because he saw Lance crying. “I’m serious, it’s all good.” Lance sniffed, trying to get himself under control with a small smile again. “I just tried that bitter, red brownie-looking thing Coran made. It was so bad that I couldn’t stop crying. Man, I wish we had milk or something here.”

Keith snorted, “I thought you said you wouldn’t eat anything Coran made ever again.” He jerked to a stop beside Lance, crouching down to settle against the wall. Lance almost felt the brush of Keith’s arm against his own, the barrier of clothes concealing the warmth that might’ve been just against his own skin had Keith folded an arm of his jacket up just like Lance had done, and took in a sharp breath.

Keith was right here, sitting beside him, and maybe it was not the best way they could spend time together, but it looked like they were going to do that by talking about feelings anyway. Lance was strangely disappointed that all it took to get Keith away from training was seeing Lance cry, but he wasn’t surprised, not really.

Lance coped with laughs and jokes and tears. Keith coped with training and… well, self-destruction apparently. The one who needed a heart-to-heart talk was definitely not Lance, it was _ Keith. _

“Well, Hunk was busy with Yellow, that last blast took its toll on her. I wasn’t going to starve myself to death because of that.”

“‘Won’t starve myself to death’, he says,” Keith huffed out a laugh, finally sitting to the ground and leaning against the wall properly. “But admits that he ate what Coran was cooking. If starvation doesn’t kill you, that definitely will.”

Lance scoffed, letting the familiar pattern of playful banter calm him down, “You wish! You can’t get rid of me that easily, mullet.”

This was familiar. This was safe.

Keith fell silent, eyes trained on the stars of the galaxy they were in, visible through the glass that was a few feet away from them. Lance kept watching him, his sharp features and clouded eyes burning into his mind. He was aware of the fact that Keith probably knew Lance was examining him, but they both probably needed a moment of silence to get their words together- or Keith did, Lance knew that the words never came to him easily. And Lance, well, he needed a moment to breathe, a moment to look at Keith and think that _ he’s here, _ instead of wondering what would be his next order, which planet they would save this time.

“Listen.” Keith sighed, letting his head fall back, a faint thump reaching Lance's ears as it hit the metal wall lightly. “If- if you need someone to talk to, uh-”

Lance huffed, not hiding the way he rolled his eyes. This was just plain ridiculous.

“-don’t do that, I’m trying to help here!” Keith frowned at him, eyes narrowed with not-too-serious anger. Lance knew he shouldn’t think like that, but Keith was looking so offended that he couldn’t help it.

Keith was murderously _ adorable. _

“I’m not doing anything!” Lance quickly defended himself, the corner of his lips quirking upwards.

“You’re making fun of me-”

“Well, you are making it hard for me to _ not _make fun of you!”

“Shut up for just one second, I’m trying to talk here!”

“Okay, okay…” The chuckle building in his chest almost slipped from his lips, too ordinary for a squabble between him and Keith, but he pushed it back to let Keith talk. “Talk, man. I’m listening.”

He watched fondly as Keith opened his mouth without uttering a word, then closed it after a few seconds. He seemed a lot more uncertain then he did just a moment ago. The previous quietness that was comforting came back to settle around them, now more awkward compared to the last time.

Lance glanced down to his hands, suddenly finding them more interesting than the words Keith was trying to say to him, the familiar itch the dried tears left behind irritating him.

Usually, when Keith stayed quiet for too long when he was in the same room with Lance, the one who broke that silence would be Lance. He would chatter whatever came to his mind, sometimes talking about some stupid thing he did at the Garrison, or the embarrassing things Veronica did for her crush, a cute boy she saw at a train station and asked on a date, just something that would break the wall that was building between Keith and himself. Then he would somehow offend Keith, poke fun at him, anything that would get a reaction out of his permanent scowl, and they would start up banter until either it became a yelling match that wasn’t hostile, but more like a competition of who could get the other to shut up first, or someone pulled them apart.

But sometimes, they would just have these lighthearted conversations with a few comments on Keith’s ‘mullet’ and Lance’s ‘annoying’ voice, and it would be so painfully domestic that Lance could see the slight smile Keith had on his face. Those moments would end up with quiet words murmured to be lost in space, known between just the two of them.

Now, it was neither of those. This wasn’t anything familiar, it was more like the time Lance saw Keith and Shiro talking quietly, too close and too caring, or like the way Hunk would hug Lance close to his chest as they talked about missing their families, both in the Garrison and in the Castle of Lions. This was something you didn’t do with anyone, too intimate to be called just random talk.

Lance tugged the sleeves he had rolled up on his arms consciously, all too aware of the direction his thoughts were moving towards. Now was not the time for this, not when he saw how the light of the training room was still on during sleeping cycles, and nobody ate dinner together like they used to ever since their first day in the Castle of Lions- they kept doing it until the day Shiro went missing.

Keith glared at the ground as if it committed a crime against the whole universe, his eyes shining in a way that made it obvious the gears in his head were turning to find the right words to say.

“You’re supposed to know some things,” Keith finally decided to say. “Nobody says them to you because they expect you to know them already.”

Lance frowned. That was... not what he was expecting. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, but it was not this at all.

“You’re not something we can just replace.” Despite the words he uttered, Keith’s voice was harsh, all too raw and angry. “You don’t get to think that.”

The room was too small, air not enough for his lungs, but Lance managed to let out a strangled “W- what?” before Keith threw him a dirty look, turning back to glare a hole through the ground.

“Just listen.” Lance could see the way Keith's hands shook. He wondered which one of them was more uncomfortable with this topic, him, or Keith?

“You’re a part of this team, Lance. You’re not replaceable, you never have been.” Keith lifted his hand up to press it on his own shoulder, right over the scar he got from the Trials of Marmora, the day he learned his heritage. The hall was quiet, their erratic breathing the only sounds filling the silence that fell on them like a thick, well-used blanket -that was weird too, why were they doing that? Panicking?- and the frown on Keith’s face eased down to an almost accepting expression, “It’s- I’m not good with words, but- remember the first time we got here?”

A small smile lit up his features when Lance nodded mutely, too stunned to say anything. The way Keith’s eyes reflected the light of the stars that were shining outside of the castleship was just as blinding as the words he murmured. “We’ve come a long way since then. We’re better, stronger, _ together.” _

Lance curled his fingers into a fist, searching for the somehow familiar, grounding press of his nails, the stinging of his palm. He could see Keith's hands resting on his knees, mirroring the fists Lance had, and relief was a welcome surprise with the way it caused Lance to exhale shakily one more time, easier than previously. Hearing those words wasn't waking up from a nightmare, not exactly, but it was a drop of water in the middle of a boiling hot desert. A short-lived solution with how small it was, but still there, and that meant something.

“Together,” Lance echoed, tasting the word on his tongue. It felt _ right. _ “We are together.”

“We are,” Keith confirmed with a smile slowly spreading on his face, a small, tired quirk of lips. Lance watched him, transfixed on the enchanting expression with something akin to wonder bubbling in his chest, and _ oh. _

_ Oh, no. _

His heart fluttered in agreement, and Lance hoped that it would somehow stutter and then stop, kill him instantly with Keith's rare smile right in front of Lance's eyes, the time seemingly frozen but soft, and warm instead of cold, just before Lance could ruin the moment with some random comment or a joke, or even _ worse, _ blurt out how dazzling Keith was to him, thanks to his mouth that seemingly had no filter at all.

Though, none of those things happened. Instead, Keith sighed, his smile falling from his face.

Disappointment settled heavily in Lance's gut. Nonetheless, he let his gaze fall to Keith's twitching fingers, pulling his focus together again to listen to what Keith had to say.

There was silence, for seconds or minutes, but then Keith lifted his eyes from the ground and searched for Lance’s eyes, his own glare determined and strong and vicious -everything Keith was, and Lance wasn’t- and gave a crooked grin to Lance. “We can finish this war. It’s- I really believe that. I believe in us, and that includes you too, Lance.” He nodded as if to emphasize his words, the set of his shoulders strong and unmoving- as if Keith made his decision already, and no matter what Lance said, the words he uttered would end up being right anyway. “As long as we keep fighting, the Galra will be stopped.”

It was a nice thought.

Lance held onto Keith's words as long as the cold of the reality that was sinking in his bones allowed, not letting himself look away from Keith, his unwavering belief and fire, when his thoughts went to a darker direction. The very same fire that ignited a spark in Lance's blood, pushed his heart to beat at its limit, or even further. Lance willingly let himself drown in Keith's sweet voice, eyeing the stars from the clear glass of one side of the hall's wall.

But the alarms that blared didn't let the calm air stay undisturbed.

The Galra had found them.

\--

_ “Hunk! Smash that cannon!” _ Keith’s cry came from the comms of Red, filled with that familiar anger he always had while fighting against the Empire. Lance could feel the brush of Keith’s vicious impatience, the bond between all of them strong during the fight even without Voltron. _ “We can’t let them attack the Castle with it.” _

_ “Got it!” _ Yellow flew over Red to speed up towards the main ship in front of them, Hunk’s intent far too obvious.

Lance pushed his Lion to weave through little fighters following them, managing to destroy a few that were after Yellow with a laser beam from Red while trying to stay away from the shooting range of the main fleet. During a few turns, he caught a few glimpses of Green, pieces of a fighter hanging off from her jaw as Pidge cheered, and Blue was a little too far away, far enough that Lance kept missing where she was and had to look again and again to confirm he wasn’t going to fly Red right into Allura’s way. Keith would never let that go if Lance made such a rookie mistake.

Black wasn’t close to Lance’s position, Keith was at the other side of their loose circle to make sure no reinforcements ambushed them, but his orders were loud and clear, his voice filling Lance’s helmet with every sharp word. It seemed that Keith was really getting the hang of this whole 'team leader' thing.

Catching another fighter between Red's jaws, Lance whooped and laughed. The rush of adrenaline was addicting, he could almost feel his heartbeat in his throat, and the faint feelings and directions Red pushed into his mind were both wild and vicious enough for him to want to scream his lungs off with excitement. Lance couldn't help but think that the Red Lion was truly the most fierce one amongst all the Lions, and a pleasant warmth sneaked its way into his mind from Red, somehow fond.

_ “Uh, guys…” _ Hunk called from the comms, sounding rather worried. _ “I know this isn't the best news, but there's a barrier around the ship.” _

Lance kept his attention on his teammates while pushing Red to make a loop around wreckage, trying to get a few fighters off of his tail. That didn't sound good.

_ “We should've expected that,” _ Keith said. _ “ _ I _ should've guessed they wouldn't leave a cruiser without a particle barrier.” _

Lance could hear the anger in his voice, the agitation. He quickly intervened before Keith got too impulsive after the way his first plan went to ashes. “Doesn't matter now, we need a new plan!”

Lance almost missed Pidge's murmur of_ “On it.” _when he crashed into the debris of the destroyed fighters. Red juddered with a loud groan coming from the back of the cockpit and discomfort shoved its way into Lance's mind as his seat shook with the explosions the crash caused out there.

“Shit,_ sorry, _ I'm sorry, beautiful,” Lance gasped out against the console. Pushing his Lion to go faster with a grimace, he pressed his lips together tightly, worry bubbling in his chest. “Just a little more, hang on…”

_ “We're getting too sloppy!” _ Keith yelled over the murmurs of the others, _ “Fall back and regroup around me- it's time to form Voltron.” _

Lance nodded, quickly turning Red towards where the Black Lion was blasting a few fighters. But then Hunk screamed loudly, far too loud compared to his I'm-panicking-yells, and Lance saw Yellow being thrown away from them fast. 

“Hunk!”

_ “I'm fine,” _ Hunk gasped over the comms, _ “I just can't slip through past the fleet!” _

Keith cursed, _ “Okay, new plan. Allura, can you freeze the fighters around me-” _

_ “Wait!” _ Pidge said. _ “We can use this!” _

_ “What do you mean? Do you have a plan, Pidge?” _

_ “I can sneak into the main ship and shut down the particle barrier manually.” _

_ “No. You can't go in there alone,” _ Keith argued.

_ “But we can download the information about prisoners if I do. Think about it!” _

There was a moment of silence, filled with tension. Possibly learning where Shiro was, Lance tried to think, or just confirming that the Galra didn't have him _ -again- _ by infiltrating the main ship?

No. It was tempting, but not worth risking Pidge's life over it. “No, it's still too risky-”

_ “Okay,” _ Keith interrupted him.

_ “Okay?” _Lance repeated incredulously. Was Keith finally going crazy? “What do you mean 'okay'? You can't just let her-”

Keith interrupted him rather quickly, _ “I won't, because she won't be the one going in. I will do it.” _

“No way! We need you out here, man-!”

_ “Allura and I are the best at hand-to-hand, and Allura is too far away from the main ship. I need to go, Lance.” _

_ “What about forming Voltron?” _ Allura sounded hesitant about letting Keith go in alone, but Lance could understand that she wasn't exactly opposed to the idea. Why could nobody see how stupid it sounded? They could help Hunk, they just needed to go through the other ships and fighters. Except, well. That hadn't been working out pretty well for them, had it?

_ “We can't get to Hunk. We don't even know if we have enough time to form Voltron while being attacked from all sides, we can't even contact Coran and the Castle! It's the only way, Princess.” _

“_ That is true.” _ Allura sighed. _ “Okay, but do be careful, Keith. I don't have a good feeling about this.” _

_ “Yeah, man, that sounds too dangerous,” _ Hunk agreed quietly. _ “Maybe one of us can come with you?” _

_ “I can,” _ Pidge jumped in quickly, _ “I can get all the information we need from the ship too.” _

_ “Sounds like a plan,” _ Keith agreed. _ “Activate your cloaking to gain some time and follow my lead, Pidge.” _

_ “Got it.” _

“And keep an eye behind, will you?” Lance couldn't resist poking Keith. “You're awful at that when I'm not there to watch your back, Leader.” There was an amused huff from the other side of the line. “Same goes for you too, Pidge.”

_ “And let us know if you need back-up,” _ Allura added.

_ “We will try to hold off the fighters as long as we can.” _ With Hunk's words, the Black Lion made a loop to push its way towards the main battleship. The Green Lion disappeared soon enough, and Lance turned his focus back to the fighters to do his part. Soon enough, they were swarmed with enemies from all sides.

They only needed to keep the attention on themselves for Keith and Pidge. Sounded simple enough, but Allura's words did not leave Lance's mind.

He had a bad feeling about this too.

\--

_ “We're in,” _ The comms crackled as Pidge announced quietly. _ “Going to the control room.” _

_ “Watch out for sentries,” _ Allura reminded her again. Her voice was strained, Lance could barely get a glimpse of Blue with all the ships between them.

Lance tried to attack another ship with Red's lasers, his eyes burning from the sweat slowly sliding down his brows.

_ Just a little while longer. _

\--

_ “Alright, took down the sentries in the control room,” _ Keith updated them. _ “Pidge is trying to see if she can get information from here.” _

_ “Alright, cool, but we need back-up here, man.” _

_ “We will try to finish it as soon as possible, Hunk, hang on.” _

\--

“Hunk! Behind you!”

_ “Oh man, oh man-” _

_ “Are you okay, Hunk? That was quite a hit.” _

_ “Yeah, don't worry about me.” _

\--

_ “I can't wait for this to be over.” _

“Same. Hey, Allura, how long do we need to keep them busy for?”

_ “I don't know, Lance. Let's hope that Pidge and Keith finish up soon.” _

\--

“Hey guys, do you think there's something wrong? They haven't updated us at all.”

_ “Yeah, maybe one of us should go in there and see if they're okay?” _

_ “I'm sorry, but we can barely keep up with the ships when it's three of us, Hunk. There's no way we can do it with two.” _

“They aren't answering the comms at all.”

_ “Don't worry. Pidge and Keith are strong enough to handle themselves, we just need to do our part.” _

_ “Easier said than done.” _

“Oh, come on, Hunk! We can do this!”

_ “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” _

\--

_ “What- Why did they stop attacking us? Guys?” _

_ “I don't know, but maybe it's Pidge's doing. It is possible that she might've sent their ships fake orders.” _

_ “But this looks suspicious! Would they even believe that?” _

_ “Calm down, Hunk. We must go in and see where Pidge and Keith are.” _

“Yeah, Allura is right. But someone should stay here in case this is a trap.”

_ “Then I will-” _

“_ Wait, what's that?” _

“The main ship is glowing!”

_ “What-? We should try to contact Keith and Pidge again!” _

_ “Guys, I think that ship's going to blow up-” _

“_ Keith? Pidge? Can you hear me?” _

_ “We're all going to die, we're all going to die, oh god-” _

“We will be okay, Hunk, stop panicking! Allura?”

“_ They're not answering!” _

“Shit, okay, okay, one of us needs to go and find them-”

_ “Lance, buddy, it's starting to glow more!” _

_ “Hunk is right! It's going to explode!” _

_ “I know I'm right! Allura, can the Blue Lion freeze the ship?” _

_ “It's not working!” _

“Then we need another plan. Quick, what can- oh shit, find cover-!”

_ “It's exploding!” _

_ “Watch out-!” _

> **2.**

_ “Hunk, they're following you!” _ Pidge's voice rung in the cockpit.

_ “I got it!” _

Lance glanced towards the Black Lion to see two fighters that had been following him had somehow slipped past the circle the Lions formed from his side and had reached Hunk, and cursed. Red pushed acceptance into his mind, steady and fiery, but Lance fought against her forgiveness for making yet another mistake when he was supposed to save his team- he couldn't let that happen, not this time, not to any of them.

His limbs didn't move the way he wanted them to, locking up instead of pushing buttons, and his heart hammered in his chest with every grunt and yell that came from the comms. He could almost see the bright sparkles that had flown around just before the ship exploded last time, and a headache was pushing its way through his thoughts, making him confused.

He was no use in this battle. He was going to be the reason for someone's death _ again. _

“_ -Lance!” _

He flinched, seeing a few more fighters had slipped past him. The battlecruiser he was supposed to be keeping busy was advancing towards the other Lions too, dangerous with the way it was let loose. “S- sorry, I'll take care of it!”

_ “No, leave it. Pidge, it's closer to you, keep it busy,” _ Keith said. His frown could be heard from the dark tone of his voice, _ “Lance, what's wrong with you?” _

“Me? What's wrong with _ you?” _ Lance fired back immediately, the habit of responding to Keith's sharp comments far too inconvenient in the middle of a battle.

_ “Guys-” _ Hunk tried to intervene, and Lance took a deep breath to let him. He shouldn't- he couldn't do this right now.

But Keith had no such plans._ “I'm not the one who is messing up just one simple job!” _

_ “Keith, buddy, come on...” _

“I didn't mess it up!” Lance exclaimed over Hunk's long-suffering murmur.

_ “Say that to the fighters behind me!” _

Lance pointedly twirled Red around to give her back to Black, “I am focusing just fine, let me do my job without your nagging-”

_ “Keith!” _

Lance flinched again, too violently, and Red jolted in her place, giving other fighters more chances to slip past him. He only got a short moment before countless lasers were turned towards him to take advantage of the weak point in his defense, but Lance's brain registered none of it, no. His attention was entirely on Allura's yell.

It sounded like the way she screamed during one of their first missions, when Keith had went down fighting against sentries while all of them had been infiltrating one of the battlecruisers, her voice just as vicious and fearful. Just as scary.

Red started shaking from the attacks, and she was pushing warnings into Lance's mind to make him recognise the alarms and red lights that filled the cockpit, but everything felt slow as if it were all underwater. Like he was 8-year-old once more and had fallen into the ocean because of slippery rocks, unable to push himself towards the surface of the water due to panic. It was _ terrifying. _

_ “Lance!” _

Keith's voice slashed through his panic, and he wheezed out the breath he had been holding in only to start coughing. 

“_ Get away from the- shit-!” _

Leaning forward to clutch his knees, Lance closed his eyes to keep the red light away.

_ “Lance!” _

Oh.

Keith was yelling at him.

_ “Fuck- someone get him away from the-” _

Lance opened his eyes, taking in another deep breath. Slowly, he lifted his head to look at what kind of disaster he had caused, just in time to see a black blur smashing into the fighters in front of him, then-

Then, a purple laser, hot and deadly, hit the Black Lion.

Keith's scream tore down the last remnants of fear and anxiety in Lance's mind, and-

And that was it.

> **3.**

Lance took a shaky breath, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes with the hopes of keeping the building sensation of tears away. It did little to help, but the press was grounding enough for him to exhale quietly.

Time travel? Out of everything he could go through, a time loop? He put himself in a forever repeating circle of death and fights? Was there even a way to get out of this thing?

He sniffed, letting his hands fall down on his lap to look at them uselessly. Keith's heavy breathing echoed in his mind, his scream, and then the memory of the small grin he gave to Hunk during breakfast a few missions ago came forward instead of that terrifying memory, the healthy shine of his skin and bright eyes-

_ Dios, _Lance didn't even know if this all was real or just a dream. He didn't want to believe that any of it actually had happened just a few hours ago. It felt surreal, like another trick the Galra or that witch Haggar use against them, but Lance had no idea if it was them or just him finally going crazy from the stress of a never-ending war.

Hunk's worried expression had been concerning enough, to think that Lance was that obvious about listening the screams of his new team leader as he died, and then waking up to see him breathing and being as annoying as ever. Lance should've been better at hiding things, really- except, he had known Hunk for years, so it wasn't terrible that the big guy knew him well enough to realize that Lance was stressed.

And, well, that brought Lance another train of thoughts. Because he was _ almost _ sure that he hadn't been dreaming, so if he knew that his teammates' lives were in danger, he needed to tell that to them, so that they could just make a plan to make sure that everybody ended up breathing at the end of the day. Or maybe just not go to this mission at all, it didn't matter to Lance as long as his friends were alive. 

_ Shit. _ He had heard Keith _ die. _ His had rival/teammate/maybe-friend/leader died twice, and Pidge, god, _ Pidge. _

Lance felt like he could smell the scent of blood if he concentrated enough, like the room he was in almost had the same purple lighting the Galra ship had even though there wasn't a hint of that color just a moment ago- even though Lance hadn't been in there when_ Keith and Pidge- when Keith had- _

Lance pulled his knees up to his chest, pressing his forehead on them to restrict his vision. Fear was staggering, startling in the worst way possible, it almost felt like two imaginary hands wrapped around his throat and pressing down, or like he was underwater, breath trapped in his lungs, and he was exhaling slowly till there was no air left to give or take, nothing except endless cold water to fill his lungs.

But he could breathe, maybe a little too fast and too shallow to be considered healthy but still, there was enough air in the Caste of Lions. He should've been fine, he wasn't drowning, there was nothing for him to drown in.

But Keith had died, and at that moment, Lance felt like he was the one dying in that Galra ship, with the Commander looming over him-

No, no, he wasn't there, that hadn't happened, but- _ no, there was no air, just blood, and purple lighting felt like it was blinding to his eyes, his knees were wet with Keith's blood, there was a cold hand in his own, and he couldn't breathe at all- _

“Number Three! What are you doing here?”

Lance scrambled to push himself off of the floor, his chest rising with the sudden breath he sucked in, and his heart beating in an almost painful way, lungs protesting against the sudden rush of air. His eyes were suffering from a discomforting ache, and Lance was pretty sure that they were a little red, but he was safe, and there was no blood or Galra in sight.

He threw a glance at Coran, who was standing in front of the door Lance had been sitting right beside, and tried to guess if Coran realized that something was wrong, but the man seemed like he was in too much of a hurry to really consider Lance's previous sitting position beside the door of the supply room -or Lance hoped that he was distracted enough to overlook the situation he had just found a Paladin in. That was very unlikely, Coran was very observant even though he rarely commented on the things he saw, but as long as he didn't ask anything directly, Lance was not planning on saying anything.

And if he remembered correctly, Coran was probably already busy enough helping Pidge with whatever she was working on. Lance supposed that the man was here to get something Pidge needed.

Lance had just gotten in their way with his useless panicking.

“C- Coran… I- I was just leaving.” He didn't plan on making Coran's job any harder than it already was.

Coran looked hesitant, though. “You look a little pale there, Number Three.” He lifted his eyebrows, leaning forward to study Lance's face. “Are you sure you're alright?”

“Yeah,” Lance squeaked, his voice far too high for a normal conversation, but he couldn't bring himself to care. “Completely fine! I- I just needed to take a break, I think I might be getting a little sick.”

“Is that so?” Coran lifted a hand to twirl his mustache and squint at Lance. For a second, a silence filled the supply room, but then Coran sighed with defeat and pulled back. “Well, the food from that last planet might've been a little hard on your primitive human digestive system. Maybe I should talk with Number Five and see if she knows anything about it!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lance nodded with enthusiasm. “Good idea. Thanks, Coran!”

Watching the man hum curiously, Lance tried to get his legs to walk towards the door, focusing on his steps to make sure that he wasn't moving too fast. He didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention to the way he had been freaking out, especially not if he had to explain the reason _ why _ once others ever found out about this. He was going to tell them, he really was, just- not right now. Not when he still could feel the metallic taste of blood on his tongue.

Not when the sound of Keith's scream was echoing in his mind again and again.

\--

“Time travel...” Keith repeated dubiously. “Are you serious?”

Lance felt a sharp memory clouding his mind, the memory of warm, sticky blood just a whisper away from him, and took a deep breath to keep himself calm. Keith did not know what exactly happened, Lance needed to explain it to him. “When would you see me joking about death?”

Keith's lips tightened, and he leaned back in his chair. Hunk intervened before he could say anything else, “So you lived today yesterday too? And you're living it again now?”

Lance gulped nervously, thinking of Keith and Pidge's silence when they were in the ship, then Keith's choked off gasp against the comms, and he nodded. “Exactly.”

How many times it had happened did not matter.

“I didn't even think something like that was possible,” Pidge said with a frown, her elbows resting on her knees. “You couldn’t do this before, right? Then, what changed?”

Allura kept her eyes trained on Lance with curiosity shining bright in them. “I did once hear about a species that could bend time for a short period before.” _ Before Altea fell, _ she didn't add, but Lance knew everybody heard it all the same. “But their side of the universe has not been touched by the Galra, nor us.”

Coran hummed, lifting a hand to touch his mustache. A tick, Lance acknowledged, something Coran always did to take it easy on his mind when things got too stressful. “What about their planet, Princess?” There was a knowing look in his eyes when he glanced over to Lance. He probably knew that this was the reason Lance had been hiding by the supply room by now. “They did have interesting substances within their home that helped them weave their way through the time.”

“It still doesn't explain why Lance can perform this ability by himself, Coran. And they couldn't have given this ability to another species, not that I know of.”

Lance silently took a deep breath, watching everybody try to figure out what was going on. They didn't even think that Lance was lying or dreaming, and relief let his shoulders slump. His team would help him, they would stop whatever this mess was and let him see tomorrow. Nobody would die this time.

“-don't know how the things humans consume in space can affect them, so maybe Coran's theory is right. Lance and I did go to the space mall not too long ago, and we tried out a new shop. Maybe he ate something weird there.” The conversation was still going, with Pidge's determined expression and glinting glasses joining in.

Lance intervened, “I think I remember eating a weird stone.” It hadn't been his fault, to be honest. The seller was an alien that looked so human, and they had flirted with him before Lance even thought of doing so. It was very… charming.

Before anyone could reply, the alarms started blaring.

Lance knew what this meant. “We need to stick together! A Galra fleet is out there and trying to ambush us, they will try to get us away from the Castle and cut our communications-”

Everybody jumped to their feet.

“Alright,” Keith said, lifting his helmet to put it on. “We will keep updating each other throughout the battle. Stay together, don't wander away from the Castle.” He turned to Lance. “Good job on informing us, Lance. Tell us what we should and shouldn't do from the comms if you remember anything, we can use your information to win this battle.”

Lance felt his breath getting stuck in his throat, Keith's belief in his words somehow making his eyes sting, and nodded. He didn't trust his voice to speak.

“Alright, go to your Lions now!”

They separated.

Lance hoped that this wouldn't be the last time he saw any of them this day.

Tomorrow was so close, close enough for Lance to feel like his fingertips could touch it if he reached just a little more, but at the same time, it never seemed so far away. 

\--

“We need to find a way to get out of here,” Pidge said behind Lance, a rustling sound filling the otherwise quiet room. Then, she sighed, “I don't think we can go this way. The debris takes all the space in the hallway.”

_ I had told you all not to go in at all, _ Lance thought. _ I knew something would go wrong. You should've listened to me and opened a wormhole to the other side of the galaxy. _

Scattered thoughts kept his mind busy enough for him to forget the fear he felt, helped him hide the tremble in his hands. He threw glances at everybody again, checking them for injuries to reassure himself, because worry did not let the tight grip it had on Lance go since the last time he checked. This time didn't help either.

“Do you guys think that my bayard can take down the wall?” Hunk asked with a doubtful voice.

“Or I can try to move the debris,” Allura suggested after Hunk, “It would take too long, but I can try.”

“No,” Keith sighed, waving a hand to dismiss their ideas. “It wouldn't work. Can anybody feel the connection with their Lion? They can help us out of here.”

Allura shook her head, eyeing the walls of the little room they were stuck in with a thoughtful face. “No, none of us have mastered our bonds with our Lions to call them to us at will. If we were in danger, it could've worked, but not in this situation.”

“But we need to do something,” Pidge pressed. “We don't even know where the Castle is, what if something happened to Coran?”

“We know, Pidge.” With a nod, Keith took a step towards the door, “We will try to take down the wall. If that doesn't work, cleaning the debris can be our escape-”

Keith's sentence got cut off with the violent tremor that ran through the ship. Lance tried to stay on his feet, his arms wheeling, but the shaking only got worse. He found himself falling forward at once, bracing himself by throwing his arms in front of him.

“I think the ship's main crystal got damaged when we let the barrier's crystal explode!” Hunk yelled over the grating sound of the metal slowly bending under the weight of debris from the previous explosion. Lance gritted his teeth to keep himself from pressing his hands over his ears.

“Do we have enough time to get to our Lions from here?” Keith sounded closer, maybe a few feet away from Lance. 

“Excluding the time it'd take us to get out of this room? I don't know, probably? But we can never reach the Lions in time if we don't get out of this place soon and- oh_ god, my ears hurt so much, can we stop this-” _ Hunk babbled.

“Team, listen to me!” Keith's voice cut through Hunk's panicking and all the noise the battlecruiser made while it slowly collapsed in on itself. “We can do this, but we need to hurry. Here's the plan-”

> **4.**

There was something stuck in his throat, keeping him from talking or breathing, and Lance felt his eyes burn, tear up with the pain he felt in his chest, the same kind of pain he felt when he realized he left his family behind on Earth, when he -the team- lost Shiro, a feeling that tore down the walls that kept his world standing and safe. He could feel his bed underneath him, warm and soft, rough sheets pressing against his arms, and he clutched to them with the hope of grounding himself.

His eyes were closed, and he was laying down.

The reset had happened again.

He had hoped that telling the rest of the group would be better, that they would help him keep the team from splitting and getting trapped within the wall of metal and lasers the enemy fleet created. Getting all of them killed by being stuck in the main ship together and blowing up-

Oh, _ Dios. _ The ship had blown up.

Lance still could feel the heat twining around his body, hurting, burning his skin, and then- then…

_ Nothing. _

It had been sudden, unexpected, _ horrifying. _ Lance had grown up on a beach, with salty water surrounding him and burning his eyes. He had been afraid of drowning then, of letting go of his mother's hand and never getting to hold it ever again. It had seemed like the scariest thing ever, but now-

Alarms blared. “Paladins! Get to your Lions! The Empire has found us again!”

Lance blinked, the blending image of the Galra ship's fire-washed room and his room in the Castle of Lions slowly clearing up in front of his eyes, and took another deep, shaky breath.

He had spent too much time in his room to check on others, but he could still save his team _ -family- _ this time.

At least, he hoped so.

\--

“Keith!” Lance threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around the bulky, armored waist of the Commander to knock him off of Keith. “Leave him alone-!”

A clawed hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him away from the limbs he was clutching, throwing him towards the metal packages full of supplies. Lance felt himself crash into them, a new pain blooming at his back where he first hit the boxes, and air left his lungs in an instant.

He wheezed, pain radiating from his whole body for a painful moment, but then he pushed the burning pain to the back of his mind and knocked the food bars off of himself, his ribs throbbing horribly. He coughed a few times before he managed to get air into himself, calling to his comms, “Hunk? Pidge! Can- can anyone hear me?”

There was nothing except bad static, no replies heard. When a particularly loud grunt came from where Keith and the Commander were, Lance pushed down the sob that wanted to escape from him and pushed himself to roll over to settle on his belly with trembling arms. His bayard materialized in his hands in its sniper rifle form, long weapon fitting well in his hands like it was made to be, and Lance let himself look at the fight he was scared to see.

Keith looked terrible. There was no other way to describe his weary stance as he pressed his sword to the Commander’s, his lips moving, seemingly talking to her, but the trembling of his hands was visible through the weapon he was clutching tightly. Blood dripped down his face from a cut that started from the side his eyebrow and went all the way down to the corner of his lips. Lance could see a few strands of hair that came too short, cut by either claws or the Commander’s own sword, and none of his funny comments on Keith’s damaged mullet came to mind, there was only a faint sadness instead.

At least his armor was still in one piece, even though there were many cracks across his chest piece and maybe a few scratches barely visible on the upper leg and arm pieces Lance could see.

Keith looked bad, but the Commander was in just as bad shape as him. There was a hole in her hand from a lucky shot Lance managed, and her one eye was closed to keep blood from a head injury out.

Lance took a deep breath, quickly positioning his gun to take aim at the Commander. He had never seen her before, didn't get a chance to fight her back when he was fighting against other fleets of Zarkon’s or helping planets escape from the hands of Galra Empire. She had suddenly appeared in front of them as they were running towards Red, and now, they couldn't even reach the rest of the team. Lance hoped that they were alright with all his heart. He couldn't handle them getting hurt after- after-

The things that happened during his last try would never leave him without nightmares ever again.

\--

Lance sniffed, trying to get closer to Keith without jostling him. The ground was wet and slippery with blood and the painful wheezes Keith let out were too loud, far too painful for Lance even when he didn't even have a proper injury to consider himself hurting. The one who was actually in pain wasn't himself, it was Keith-

“L-Lance…” Keith's gloved, shaky hand reached to his face, bloody and damaged after the fight against the Commander, and Lance quickly caught it to press it against his cheek, letting out a sob. He couldn't watch his- _ his teammate _ dying, it was horrible and bloody, and this was so _ unfair, why did this happen again- _

“You- you have to get out of-” The rest of his sentence was cut off by his own coughing, but Keith's eyes were shining with determination as he tried again, his voice soft but demanding even while wavering slightly, “Lance- hey, look at me.”

“No, _ no.” _ Lance pressed the hand he held tighter against his cheek, everything blurry in his vision with tears. “Don't you dare, not when- when-” His eyes darted towards Keith's left foot -or where it was supposed to _ be _ if it was still attached to Keith's body- and he let out a wounded sound. “Not like this.”

Keith's gaze stubbornly stayed on Lance's face, not looking at his own wounds. As if Keith didn't want to look at them, didn't want to see the importance of the situation. As if Keith was too afraid to see-

_ Oh. _

“Lance, please…” Keith begged, his fingers curling around Lance's cheek. “Please go.”

“I- I can't-” Not again, not this time. He was supposed to save Keith from this- but he already did, didn't he? Keith didn't have a sword piercing his chest.

Instead, he lost his _ foot. _ They were sitting in a puddle of Keith's blood who was _ also coughing up blood, Dios, _ and Lance knew there were far too many broken bones to consider lifting Keith from where he was resting. They had won the fight this time, but Lance didn't feel like they really did. Not when the cost was Keith's life.

“You have to.” Keith sounded so much like Rachel when she had been trying to get him to leave for Garrison. This was the tone she used when he was too scared to leave his family to chase his dreams. She wouldn't let him waste his own abilities and goals for them, so she just told him that he had to. And just like she hoped, Lance made his dreams reality after leaving. He was in space, he saw aliens and made many good friends, but his family wasn't there with him during any of those things.

Keith wanted Lance to survive. He didn't think it was possible for both of them to get out of this ship, so he was trying to save what he could from this situation.

It hurt far too much when Lance realized that this was going to end up the same way it did with Rachel. Lance was going to survive if he listened, but not with Keith. Keith had no way of getting out of here breathing, and Lance felt like he was going to lose too much either way.

But for Keith, none of these were important enough to consider, were they? This was about losing two Paladins of Voltron, or just one. Maybe he was right, the fate of the universe did rest on their shoulders, they were supposed to save everybody from the Galra Empire and all those things Allura kept repeating to them, but Lance didn't know how he could help the universe if he couldn't even save his own teammate.

“No,” he breathed out, and Keith's hand slipped from his own, falling on the metal ground. One or two, it didn't matter for Lance. If not even one of them didn't get out of this place, Voltron would disappear anyway. He listened to Keith once, let himself be saved and thought both of them would survive this storm. Lance wasn't going to do that again. “I can't.”

Keith's pale face twisted, eyes filled with disbelief. “No? What the-” The words were stuck in his throat when he started coughing again, blood splattering his lips and the chest plate of his white-red armor. Keith closed his eyes to stop the tears that started to fill his eyes again, sliding from his cheekbones to his hairline, and a broken off, pained sound escaped from his lips. Lance curled his fingers, pressing them tightly against his palm to stop himself from reaching to wipe the blood off of Keith's face. The familiar sting of his nails wasn't there, not with the gloves of his armor protecting his hands, but the pressure was somehow enough to ground him a little.

When his coughs stopped, Keith sucked in deep breaths, his body shaking. _ Shock, _ Lance's mind supplied him, _ he's in shock, idiota. _

“You- you have to-” Lance turned his eyes down, watching the pooling blood beneath Keith. There was far too much. The stump was probably still bleeding, Lance thought numbly. They didn't even manage to cauterize the wound properly, and now they didn't have anything to help with that anyway.

_ He's going to die. _

And Lance didn't even comply with his last request.

His thoughts froze when he saw Keith trying to sit up sluggishly, putting the weight of his upper body on his elbows. Lance felt his eyes getting bigger, flailing with panic when he had no idea where to hold and press Keith down without hurting him. “_ Dios, _are you crazy? You're hurt-!”

Before Lance could say anything more, Keith cried out in pain and let go immediately, almost knocking his head against the ground before Lance finally managed to catch his shoulders and lowered him down slowly. “How can you even still move-”

“Lance,” Keith's voice was weak, far too quiet than the last time he spoke, and Lance felt the words he was planning to yell slipping from his mind, disappearing. “Please…”

This was Keith’s last request of him, but Lance shook his head stubbornly. He let go of the shoulders he was clutching to reach to Keith's hand one more time. Keith didn't curl his fingers around Lance's own, only managed a twitch to show Lance that he was trying to return the gesture, but Lance shook his head again, with more despair than persistence this time. “No.” He sniffed, feeling himself tear up one more time. “No. I won't leave you alone. I'm not going away.”

Keith's eyes were still closed, and Lance felt the fear that had been clogging up his throat press even tighter against his chest, his heart beating wildly. “You hear that? You're stuck with me.”

There was no reply at all, but Lance held Keith's hand tightly in his own hands, pulling it up to press a kiss on it. Then, he held it against his cheek and let his tears fall down his cheeks, not moving from Keith's side.

Before the ship blew up, he pressed another kiss to Keith's wrist.

He would do better next time.

> **7.**

_ “Lance, where are you?” _ Keith's yells were deafening, cracking noises coming from the comms with how loud he was. He almost sounded desperate, Lance noted as he pressed his hand to the wound on his upper leg. His calls echoed the angry press of Red in Lance's mind, desperate and furious, but he couldn't bring himself to reach to either of them. He couldn't anyway, not with the blaster the Commander was holding against his head.

“Haggar wants you all alive.” The Commander was dangerous, Lance understood that already. He shouldn't have gone without back up to try to take her down before she could do anything to his team _ -again- _ it was a stupid decision, but he was kneeling in front of the sentries and Commander anyway. “But Emperor Zarkon wants your heads. He has no doubt that he can make the Lions bend to his will.”

Another piece of information, a new puzzle piece to the board, Lance thought. Was Zarkon planning to use the Lions all by himself somehow, or was he going to try to get new pilots for them? Why did Haggar want them alive?

_ “Lance! Come on, Pidge, where is he?” _ Keith was still trying, and Lance felt a weak smile forming on his face with the thought of him being safe.

_ “I don't know, I'm trying to- wait… his armor is in one of the ships!” _

_ “Shit- get him back up! Allura, you're closer to him, go!” _

He saved Keith this time, Keith wouldn't choke on his own blood or get caught in an explosion or lose a limb- he was safe. Lance felt relief flooding him, letting his shoulders relax. Red was roaring in his mind, he could feel her awakening and throwing herself forward between the pieces of fighters he destroyed- it was a good idea, he knew, using one of the fighters to sneak in. Shiro would be proud, or maybe disappointed that Lance did this behind the others' back. But either way, this hell was finally over.

“I'm loyal to Emperor Zarkon, and I fight for the name of Galra.” The Galra smiled, a vicious, bloodthirsty expression on her face, and Lance felt his limbs freezing with terror because his mind was finally catching up with his plan- that he was going to _ die here, he'd never get to see his family or home again or see his team one more time- _“Your head will decorate our Emperor's throne.”

With a long, high-pitched sound, the blaster charged up, and the Commander was somehow looking just like a scene from Lance's worst nightmares, so cold and unforgiving, thirsty for blood, violence-

The blaster fired. All Lance saw was a purple light filling his vision, pain filled his senses, and he thought that there was an echoing scream _ -was it him? Was it someone from his team?- _ then everything slipped away from him like sand pouring between his fingers, and that was it.

> **12.**

“Hey, hey-” Gloved hands reached towards him, and Lance pressed his back against the cold metal wall of the castleship, trying to push himself away from the extending limbs. His heart throbbed painfully- someone was there with him. Was it the Commander? But she- she wasn't in the Castle. Her hands weren't gloved either, her fingers weren't pale and lithe, no, these were just pink fingertips and clear, not-very-well-cared-for nails instead of purple skin.

These hands were nothing like the giant, scarred hands with claws curled over Lance's wrist, strong enough to lift Lance off of the ground and throw him into a metal wall.

There was a second the hands hesitated, hovering over his body, and the panic in Lance's mind slowly melted like ice in warm water, more blurry instead of the previously sharp-edged fear, and that was somehow better. “Try to calm down. Can I- Lance, can you look at me? Is it okay for me to touch you?”

“Okay,” Lance wheezed. He didn't know if he was trying to answer Keith's question or say that he was okay, but his words faded into painful silence that was filled with harsh breathing.

His answer seemed to be enough for Keith, though. He reached towards Lance slowly, keeping his limbs visible, then held one of Lance's hands that had been clutching his shirt. His touch was soft, opposing the rough skin of his hands covered with calluses, and Lance let his head fall forward a little with the deep, soul-wrenching relief it brought to him.

“Yeah, that's it- slowly.” Keith moved their joined hands until they were resting on Keith's chest, moving up and down with his steady -maybe a little too fast- breathing. “Can you try to copy this?”

Lance nodded, sucking air in, then letting it out slowly. His lungs burned, his heartbeat far too erratic compared to the usual rhythm it had, but Keith made an approving sound and shuffled closer.

“You died,” Lance said, with courage burning its way in his mind- or maybe fear, there was a thin line between them when on the subject of the loops. “And- and it was my fault.”

The sentence stole what little relief Lance felt from him, but he pressed his hand against Keith to feel his heartbeat and kept breathing through the urge to puke his guts out.

“It was a dream.” Lance sniffed quietly, keeping himself from saying anything, but the hold of Keith's hand tightened on Lance's own as if Keith felt his fear. “But either way, I know that you would do anything you could to keep me safe- the rest of the team too. That means you can't blame anyone.”

Lance shook his head, a frown etching itself onto his face. He opened his mouth to say something -anything- but Keith beat him to it. “Didn't you say that I was the one who died?” Lance flinched at the word, but Keith kept going without missing a beat. “Then I'll be the one to decide on this. And I'm saying that you can't be blamed for anything the Galra does, even if we fail to stop them.”

“But what if we could, if we did something else instead of-”

“Thinking on 'what if' can make a person go mad.” Keith's face inched closer to Lance's, his dark eyes narrowed. “You keep blaming yourself for everything, Lance. Give yourself some credit.”

Lance kept his eyes on Keith's own, trying to find a sign of pity, of accusation, but there was only a prickly glare with undertones of concern. There was only Keith's eyes, the tilt of his lips and a barely-there twitch of his eyebrows, and-

And Keith's face was _ close. _

Lance felt heat climbing up to his neck, then slowly towards his face, along with a familiar desire to fidget under Keith's stare.

Suddenly, Keith drew back from where he was, his hand slipping from Lance's, and bowed his head deep enough to hide his face. His stance screamed discomfort, but he didn't move again. “Uh, yeah- so, stop doing that.”

“O- okay, I will,” Lance barely managed to stutter out. “You know I will! When did you see me not doing that-”

Alarms blared again, the sound already memorized in Lance's mind, but both of them jumped at the sound anyway. “Paladins! Get to your Lions! The Empire has found us again!”

Lance glanced at Keith again to see him looking back. His face looked as red as Lance's own felt. “We should, uh- probably-”

“Yeah.” Keith nodded, taking a step back and pointing towards the door behind him awkwardly. “We should, I'll just-”

“See you later,” Lance blurted out in a moment of embarrassment, then felt his face flushing even more from shame, but Keith only gave a little laugh at Lance's obvious suffering.

“Yeah. See you in a few, Lance.”

> **16.**

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't feel his feet, his legs felt like instead of blood, melted metal was traveling through the veins in them, tears streamed down his face, and everything was so, so hopeless. Keith was stuck under the rubble with his eyes hidden behind the dark strands of hair. His blood -mixed with the bright yellow of quintessence- was pooling underneath him, and there was a burnt flesh scent surrounding the narrow hall they were in.

The Commander's absence was glaring with the drops of light purple bloodstains on the other side of the hall, but at least the sentries had no way of getting in after the power got cut off when the Balmeran crystal was smashed. Whoever was outside, they wouldn't get in, but Lance or Keith wouldn't be able to get out either.

They were stuck inside.

Lance shook his head, trying to clear his mind. The pulsing pain in his legs was slowly fading away too, and he realized that every movement of his body was getting more sluggish with every passing second. By all means, he should've been screaming from pain, or maybe just pass out, but- but he was drenched in quintessence. What was going to happen now? Lance had no idea what pure quintessence could do to a human, he never thought of asking Allura or Coran. Would it help him try to get out of this situation? Or would it burn his skin off like it had done to Keith's face-

No. He wasn't going to think about that.

Either way, there was no time for freaking out. He had done enough of that during his previous 'today's. What he needed to do was thinking of a way out.

Their helmets were out of the question. They were stuck under the rubble, and even though Allura had assured Lance that they were very durable, Lance found it hard to believe that they weren't smashed to pieces. But, well, there were magical lions and purple space cats, so why not unbreakable helmets too?

“K- Keith?” Lance tried to reach a shaky hand towards Keith's face, his upper body trembling with almost-fully-gone pain and lots of effort. He couldn't slip away from the metal on his legs, but he was close enough to Keith to touch his black hair with his fingertips. “Are you- awake?”

He didn't get an answer, but it didn't deter him. They were stuck under a part of a Galra battlecruiser, yes, but Keith wasn't injured except the burns he had gotten from the quintessence. He could still get out. And Lance- he would make do.

“Hey. C'mon...” Black spots danced in his vision as his fingers twitched against Keith's face, and Lance tried to push back a few strands of Keith's hair to confirm that his eyes were closed.

It took a few tries on his part, and his arm flopped down to the ground from the overexertion at least twice -he wasn't sure if it was more than twice, he probably passed out several times, just to wake up after a while-, and the black fringes were glued to Keith's skin because of the dried blood on them. But he eventually pushed them away, almost sobbing with relief even though he knew there was no way either of them were going to get out of this in one piece, and seeing Keith's face, bloody and beaten down as it was, was a balm to his wounds.

At least Keith wasn't the one who was going to die, this time. Lance felt no pain from his injuries anymore, no, quite the opposite actually. He felt energized, as if he could push the metal off of himself and carry Keith back to the Castle of Lions all by himself, but he somehow still couldn't move.

Quintessence was truly weird.

But then, Lance saw the purple marks on Keith's skin. They looked like some leftover bruises from when they had both hit the wall when the battleship lurched forward during their fight with the Commander, but they were all the exact same shade, and- and they were _ spreading. _

They were spreading, and Keith's lips were slightly open to show his teeth, his sharp-looking, very much not human teeth, _ oh god, _ Lance was panicking, he was definitely panicking-

Another explosion shook the ship. A terrible creaking filled the little space they were in, and then another sound, like wires tearing apart and then a sharp _ snap- _

A shadow fell on them, blocking the slight purple light that had been keeping whatever was left over from the room they were in visible to Lance's eyes. The terrible noise was still going on, and a rush of air fluttered Lance's dirty hair, drying the sweat on his skin.

A big metal door fell on Keith, blood splattering across the little space and Lance's face.

That was the last thing Lance remembered.

> **21.**

_ One shot, _ Lance thought, _ please, just one, let me save him just this once- _

His hold relaxed on his bayard, and he took another deep breath, holding it in. His heart hammered against his chest, its fast but steady beats echoing in his ear as Lance kept his eyes on his target.

He slowly let the breath slip past his lips and squeezed the trigger, a light press on the warm, sweaty metal, and the laser beam left his rifle in silence.

He missed.

> **24.**

“I could love you,” Keith murmured, brushing his finger against Lance's cheekbones tenderly. His dark violet eyes shined with stars hidden behind them, looking at him as if Lance was holding the universe in his palms. “I might not love you right now, but I _ could.” _

Lance shook his head, feeling Keith's hands getting firmer on his cheeks instead of slipping away, and shut his eyes tightly, sniffing roughly. This was a dream from another lifetime, somewhere far away from here, that gave Lance the questions about their future, what it held for him and his teammates. What it held for Keith and Lance.

“I could, I _ could.” _ Keith pressed closer to him, his chest almost resting against Lance's own, and his warm breath washed over Lance's face, smelling of the weird, sour-scented paste they had been using as toothpaste ever since Hunk found it at a space mall, and Lance could feel his piercing gaze glaring right through him. “I know, Lance, I swear.”

Lance let out a shaky breath and tried to navigate through his raging emotions and thoughts _ -fear, shock, disbelief doubt curiositywonderhappiness- _ to drag out some response from his mind to give Keith. To say anything to tear down the silence that surrounded them except their heartbeats, wild and erratic, but everything slid past his grasp as he let his eyes open and looked into Keith's eyes. This was everything he wanted, but also, nothing he deserved after letting those eyes slip closed with no signs of life left in them.

Lance was guilty of a crime he hadn't committed yet, bad because of an action that didn't occur, mourning over a body that was still breathing. “No, you-” His hoarse voice cracked halfway, the rest of his sentence vanishing into thin air between their faces, but he kept trying to push the words out, tasting their bitterness on his tongue. “You _ can't.” _

Lance let him die again and again. How could Keith love him, just as Lance was? A murderer, weak-willed, stupid, talentless boy with nothing to offer except his self-doubt and burdens.

“No, no no _ no-” _ Keith gently knocked their foreheads together, eyebrows wrinkled with- concern, maybe? Worry? Lance didn't know. “Listen to me, I could- no, I _ would, _ if you ever decide to give me a chance- I would love you with time, what I feel can grow into it, I know this. I could help you with your fears, and you could push away my recklessness, we- we would find a place for each other, I swear-”

Lance let out a strangled whimper, feeling his hands clench on Keith's arms tighter, and closed his eyes again to keep the tears from sliding down his cheeks, but it didn't work. He felt Keith's hand wiping them away, then their foreheads separated, and there was a firm press of lips right under his left eye, right on the wet trail of salty liquid. Keith didn't stop at there, and his kisses wandered all over Lance's face, all tender and full of care, too raw, too bold.

Lance hiccuped, trying to ease up his grasp on Keith's arms. His fingers slowly uncurled, joints aching with the pressure Lance had put on them, but he paid the sting of discomfort no mind and lifted a hand to catch the back of Keith's head. The lips on his face slowed down against his skin, hesitant, and he pulled Keith down to press his face against Lance's neck, taking the opportunity to bury his nose on Keith's hair.

“Please, _ please…” _ He didn't know what he was asking for, not really, but Keith wound his arms around Lance's waist and pulled him fully into his lap anyway, holding him tight. Lance was surrounded with Keith, his smell and his hair and his skin.

Everything was gone, the pain and fear, the stuttering, last breaths of Keith from Red's comms, replaying again and again in Lance mind. The phantom feeling of sticky blood on his hands- none of them could touch Lance, not when Keith left another kiss against his collarbone while starting to hum an old Earth lullaby, words long forgotten after years in space but the melody still alive in Keith's mind. 

They stayed together, arms wrapped around each other, Lance in Keith's lap with a quiet song traveling between them while they clung to each other as if the second they let go, they would shatter into pieces. And maybe that was true, but Lance felt like he would never have to find out with Keith's determination to pull Lance closer into his chest. 

Time passed, maybe slow, maybe fast, but never touching them in one way or another. They were in their own bubble, together and safe- or as safe as they could be in the middle of a war. It was warm, sweet, a fire burning bright between them while they held each other close, and it was like a balm to Lance's invisible wounds, a cooling touch against his boiling blood. It was as easy as that between the two of them, to heal an everlasting scar.

There was a point where Lance pulled back, to search for reassurance on Keith's face, or a promise of staying safe just this once instead of jumping into a crossfire without checking his back. Lance wasn't sure what exactly he was looking for -how could he think when Keith was looking at him like _ that- _, but what he found there was shade under an angry sun, the soft press of pillows around his face on a Saturday morning after a hard week, a rare break of pure relief and relaxation on this tight rope Lance tried to walk on without falling, taut between today and tomorrow, with death and pain stretching under it.

The smile Keith gave was everything, as it opened the doors of unending possibilities of laughter and a home, peaceful, safe, away from this whole war. There were countless paths to visit, too many to see and understand, but Lance didn't need to travel through all of them- no, he only needed one. This one.

The one where he was with Keith.

> **33.**

“Keith!”

Lance threw himself towards the airlock, fear falling over his thoughts like a dark cloud. He should've let him sneak into the main ship again, why did he suggest trying to get into another one? He was stupid, so, so stupid-

His hand was raised, reaching to the buttons at the side of the airlock, but before he could even get close to hitting any of them, he felt himself being yanked back by a clawed hand on his wrist. His shoulder popped painfully, and he couldn't contain the quiet gasp from the sudden ache, feeling his body being pulled in the opposite direction to Keith who was fighting against the sentries.

Lance threw an elbow back and used the opportunity to twist away from the grip on his wrist, a snarl blooming on his face with the thought of someone keeping him from getting to Keith, but his expression froze on his face when he realized who exactly was standing in front of him with a hand on face, holding the spot Lance had hit.

Shiro was on the ship with them.

“S- Shiro?”

There wasn't the usual, warm smile of his on Shiro's face, no greetings or warnings, just a blank face with a purple glint in dark eyes. The scar on his nose looked more violent, somehow jagged and uneven compared to before. His appearance hadn't changed at all, maybe he seemed more buff, more muscular, but he still had a metal arm, mirroring his other hand and staying relaxed against his body.

“Lance.” Even his voice sounded the same, but the way he spoke was duller, mechanical. Lance could swear that the ground he was standing on was tilting sideways dangerously, his whole body felt freezing cold while the wrist Shiro had touched was burning even though the armor had prevented any skin contact. “We need to get back to the Red Lion. Keith can manage by himself.”

Shiro was on the ship with them, and he was trying to stop Lance from _ getting to Keith- _

“No.” Lance’s own answer surprised himself. Shiro had been his hero for so long, his idol and role model in so many ways even before Voltron, and after getting a chance to meet the man and actually know him? Lance had felt so desperate to get Shiro's approval, that slight tilt of his head as lips quirked upwards, and maybe with a nod thrown into the mix -if Lance was feeling daring enough to hope for that as well- but now the pressing need of validation didn't show its ugly head at all. “Keith needs backup.”

“I need medical attention immediately,” Shiro pressed, not even throwing a glance at the airlock Keith was fighting for his life in. He didn't seem to care about the fact that this was supposed to be a reunion with their previous team leader and full-time friend, but Lance shrugged off the weird chill he felt anyway. They had no time for this.

“Then you go back to Red! We'll join you soon-”

Lance did see the blur of Shiro leaping towards him, his eyes had been trained carefully so he could keep track of everything while protecting his teammates' backs, but just like all the times he had sparred with Shiro, Lance was too slow to dodge. A heavy shoulder slammed into him and threw his body to the floor with enough force behind it to make him bounce off of the ground. Air rushed out of his lungs in one sharp exhale, and pain bloomed on his side the second he felt the sharp crack at his ribs, feeling something breaking in his ribcage. His lips parted to let out a pained wheeze, but there was already a shadow looming over his body, shielding Keith's fight from view and keeping him from even attempting to do anything.

“You're not going anywhere.” There was a grin stretched on the _ thing _ that wore Shiro's face, its voice was light as if it were talking about something usual like Coran's awful food or the mice and their love for gossiping. “And neither is Keith.”

> **39.**

“Hey, are you okay?” Keith got closer to Lance, only one step just like he always did, but it was too much, too close, and the moment slipped through Lance’s fingers like sand, Keith’s voice disappearing behind the buzzing sound in his own head. “I know that it's been a rough day for all of us-”

_ It’s going to get worse, _ he thought, _ a lot worse. You will die, and we will watch you die, I will watch you die, again and again and again- _

He thought of Keith, not the one that was trying to ask him if he was okay, not the breathing one, but the one who had blood dripping from his form, hands wrapped around his stomach to slow down the bleeding and- and-

Lance turned and ran. He didn’t know where he was going, not really, but anywhere was better than this nightmare. Anywhere was better than Keith smiling down at him awkwardly just after falling to the ground with his warm blood spraying on Lance’s face.

Anywhere was better than the place Keith was destined to die.

> **45.**

“Keith?” Allura's panicked voice filled Red's cockpit. “Can you hear me? Keith!”

“His comms are off,” Pidge interrupted her, “I can't locate him on cameras, almost all of them got destroyed already. We're blind here!”

“He needs backup,” Hunk added. “I'm worried, guys.”

“It's not the time to panic, we need to see if we can help him.”

“Allura is right! Hunk, you're the closest to Keith, go after him. I will find his armor's location- we're not sure if his helmet is still with him. Allura, Lance keep the leftover fighters off of Hunk while I find out where Keith is!”

_ It's not going to work, _ Lance wanted to say, _ you're not going to get to him in time. _

It felt like giving up, to think that. As if Lance gave up on saving Keith, gave up on his small grin and soft eyes, just every little piece Keith felt generous enough to share with Lance. Lance knew he had been selfish, but this was even worse. This was something so awful, absolutely disgusting- how could he give up on saving Keith's life when Keith had said that he liked Lance just a few loops ago? When he cradled Lance's face in his calloused hands as if Lance was the most precious thing he had ever seen, like Lance was worth the kind shine in his violet eyes, even though Lance had been at his worst at that moment?

How could Lance let Keith go?

_ We never do. _

But that didn't mean Lance had to give up.

“Okay!” Lance yelled, turning Red towards a fighter that was trying to fly towards Green. Red caught the piece of metal with her tail, pressing over it. There was a slight rattle in the cockpit as the fighter exploded, and Lance pushed Red forward. “Let's go!”

They didn't make it in time.

> **0.**

“Lance? Are you okay?”

Keith reached a hand to Lance's shoulder, and a grin lit up his face with their victory. His eyes were filled with relief just like they did every time they won a fight against the Galra _ -just like they did when he finally killed the Commander, even though he was injured to the point of dying, or just like they did when Lance managed to get to him before he died all alone on an enemy ship, just like they did when he whispered the possibility of him liking Lance, seeing a chance of them falling in love- _ and Lance's world was falling apart with only a smile from Keith, just like that.

Tears escaped from him without any fight, and he felt his whole body shivering, his knees giving up beneath his weight. He let himself fall, scared but resigned, fully knowing that he was going to hit the ground, that Keith was going to die somehow and that time was going to rewind itself back to the beginning of this day. He was forever stuck fighting a war he was never meant to win, and weariness pulled his limbs down without mercy.

But instead of crashing down to the floor, there were arms catching him, winding themselves around his body tightly and pulling him upright, a warm exhale against the left side of his neck, and Keith's panicked voice filled his ears instead of the quietness of his room or the orders being shouted from his comms. “Shit- Lance, what's wrong? Were you injured?”

A sob climbed up his throat, and Lance took a painful, shaky breath to try to keep it down. His hands reached up to Keith's armor and scratched the hard surface, trying to find something to clutch onto, and he let out a wounded noise that was more like a choked off gasp than a sob.

He wasn't going back- he was still here, and the ships were destroyed, the Commander and the thing that wore Shiro's face were gone and Keith was breathing, alive right next to him, but that wasn't_ possible, _it wasn't_ real or permanent, it was all going to slip away from his grasp and leave him with nothing but memories of death and loss and longing-_

“-hear me? _ Lance!” _ Keith's sharp bark snapped his thoughts back and the arms around him tightened as Keith lowered them both down slowly to keep Lance's body from jolting. His gaze was flickering between Lance's eyes as if he was searching for something, and when Lance blinked a few times to get his eyes to focus on Keith's own, he let out a relieved breath. “Hey-” His voice was painfully soft, nothing like the scream Lance remembered him letting out when Keith's foot was being cut off. “You're back with me?”

He sucked in another burning breath as the painful ringing in his ears slowly vanished into a terrifying silence that was only filled with Keith's soft-spoken words. “Yeah,” he wheezed out, trying to nod with it, but it probably looked more like a weird jerk of his head, a distorted movement, plainly unnatural.

“What's wrong?” Keith asked, a frown finding its way through his expression, and Lance felt his eyes burning with the familiar look Keith had, never changing even during the cycles. But this wasn't a part of the cycle, was it?

Lance had never succeeded, never managed to save Keith from dying even though the rest of the team managed to stay alive, so how did this- no, that wasn't the right question, what he was supposed to think on was the odds of this being a trap the Galra had created, or a hallucination, because the loops did not make mistakes, and Keith being alive _ was _ one. Keith wasn't supposed to survive this war, he never had been-

“Hey.” Fingers snapped in front of his face, and Lance flinched back only for Keith to hold him tighter in his arms. “Shit, sorry, I was trying to get your attention. You stopped responding, and I panicked.”

Keith seemed sheepish, his eyes turning towards the ground, then going back to look at Lance. Adoration shone through confusion and fear and all the other emotions that were bundled up in Lance's chest, too much of a mess for Lance to even think of sorting through them properly.

Words threatened to spill out from his lips, how Keith and the rest of the team died countless times, how Lance messed up every single chance he had been given, how useless he was- yet, all he could think of was one thing. Just one single thing that was right in front of his eyes.

“You're alive,” He finally decided to say.

Keith looked amused, even though concern never bled away from his features, and he lifted an eyebrow in question. “Thanks for pointing it out, I didn't know that.”

“You're _ alive,” _ Lance repeated, emphasizing the last word as if that would make Keith understand, then lifted a hand to reach towards Keith's face. But before his fingers could touch the pale _ -purple, bloody, burnt, Lance saw that face in many ways and colors, but the healthy glow suited Keith the best- _skin, he froze.

_ Keith is alive. _

_ He's not supposed to be alive. _

“How-” he croaked out, hesitantly letting his hand touch Keith's skin. “How did you survive?”

Keith sat still as a statue, allowing Lance to do as he wished, but his arms were already starting to shake from holding Lance's body close. He was stubbornly not moving, a determined glint shined in his eyes just like always. “You don't remember?” he asked.

Lance shrugged slightly, letting his fingers trail over Keith's features. The last thing he remembered was-

Nothing. Everything. The deaths he witnessed were jumbling up together to keep his memories mixed up and scattered.

“You saved me,” Keith murmured softly, smiling around the words with an easy air surrounding him as if the sentence he uttered wasn't so strange, wasn't impossible.

“I- what?” Allura's scream for Keith echoed in his mind as if to remind Lance what he had exactly managed to do and what he had screwed up. “No, I- I didn't.”

“You did,” Keith insisted, letting his head fall against Lance's shoulder. “The Commander of the fleet had sneaked past Pidge to ambush me, but you-” there was a smile hidden in Keith's voice, “you shot my leg. I fell down, and the Commander's claws missed my throat.”

_ You shot my leg, _ Lance heard Keith's words repeating themselves, but Keith's lips weren't moving. _ Shot my leg. _

_ Of course, _ the thought pushed its way into Lance's mind, because the alien that had given Lance that stone tried to give it to Keith first. Keith had rejected them while Lance had jumped at the opportunity.

Because that was supposed to make sense, just like the way quintessence or the Lions did. Just like Lance's feelings for Keith did.

“I saved you,” Lance repeated Keith's words, tasted them on his tongue after letting Keith slip from his hands so many times, again and again. A weight that had been dragging his limbs down, pushing some sort of tiredness that was not from hunger or sleepless nights but instead _ guilt _ to slowly disappear, and Lance sucked in a wobbly breath, his touch faltering against Keith's cheek. _ “I saved you.” _

He knew he sounded awed, like a miracle had happened right in front of his eyes, but that wasn't too far away from the truth, was it? Because Keith was a miracle as he was, alive and wonderful and still as caring as ever with that scowl of his.

“Yeah.” Keith nodded, his hair tickling Lance's face with the movement. The sensation was more than welcome.

Tears escaped from Lance rather quickly, expected but not asked for, and he let them.

This was all he had wished for, for so long, during countless missions with blood staining his hands as if it was never going to come off.

With a sob, Lance lifted his arms to wind them around Keith's broad shoulders, feeling shivers working their way up his spine as Keith tightened his hold around his form. He took in a deep breath, let the smell of grime and sweat and something uniquely _ Keith _ fill his senses, and felt the pressure in his chest slowly melting away, the sensation of his lungs being filled with air alien after not feeling it as freely as he did right now.

They were both alive. Everybody was alive, the day hadn't rewound itself yet, the battle was over, and- and-

It was warm in Keith's arms. Lance turned his head a little to press a kiss on Keith's neck, his tears and sweat tasting salty on his lips, and smiled shakily.

It was over.

No. That wasn't right. It wasn't what Lance wanted, what he intended to make happen. He spent way too many hours thinking about what he had left behind every time the day reset, regretted the moments he could've used to tell Keith what he was feeling about him, grieved over wasted opportunities of getting to hold Keith and be held with the same tender care Lance felt towards him.

No, it wasn't over, and it never would be if Lance had anything to say about it.

This was the beginning, and Lance wouldn't have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> The fic name is from Aisha Badru's song 'Bridges'. It's a beautiful song, can be listened with this fic if anybody wishes so, but also has little to do with the fic itself.


End file.
